Butterflies
by Brindabella
Summary: The extra ending for the Amy trilogy. A happy AlexAmy ending. Warning: the ultimate fluff piece...but do read if you want to feel all warm and fuzzy inside! Leave a review if you do read please!


Date begun: May 11, 2006

Date finished: May 26, 2006

Dedication: For all you romantics out there! Just like me!

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to the writer. They remain property of Channel 7 and Southern Star.

Note: This is the clichéd alternative ending some of you may have wanted for the Amy trilogy. Just a little bit of fluff for all us romantics at heart! Not my usual style, or choice of storyline, but hey, I admit it, I'm a hopeless romantic too!

Song credits: Wendy & Lisa, Tommy Lee, Eric Clapton, Ben Lee, Bernard Fanning, Robbie Williams

© Riss 2006

Butterflies

How times have changed. Never ever would've thought I'd be where I am right now. Never ever thought I'd be happy. Never ever thought I'd be in love. Never ever thought life could be like this. I can't even explain it it's so good! Why couldn't this have happened to me years ago?

The night Alex forgave me was the best night of my life. He twirled me around the room and kissed me so passionately that I just about became a puddle on the floor. He didn't need to tell me – this was forever. I could see it in his eyes. And the most extraordinary feeling washed over me, a feeling I'd never felt before, not with Garth, not with PJ, not with anybody. But it washed over me that moment I stood tangled in Alex's arms, his smiling face bursting with happiness, mirroring mine. I don't even know what name to give this feeling…what was it? Butterflies? I don't know, but I think it might have something to do with finding the right person at last.

I've just turned into this totally different person, it's still sort of hard to get a grip on it. But I'm not too concerned. I love this person Alex has turned me into. It makes life better. It makes the days brighter and the nights more precious. We lie together almost every night and I still feel a rush as our skins touch or he whispers in my ear. One wouldn't think Alex Kirby could be so romantic, but let me tell you, he can. And I live on it.

We lived in the shiniest little bubble for ages. Months passed and I breathed new life into my job, into my home, into who I am. Everything became better. And it was all because of him. Even he became a better cop. My trained eye noticed that he worked harder, not faster, and he's changed into a better officer. One day he'll make it to the top, I know he will. For now though, I'm happy to have him right where he is – with me.

Still, no one has noticed us. I like it that way. You wouldn't get a sergeant in any station anywhere who didn't frown on office relationships, so we have reason to keep our mouths shut. And sure, sometimes it's hard, but we're professionals, we can do it. Sure makes a stolen kiss at the door to the station or in the driveway feel fantastic though. It'll leave me smiling for hours.

Gosh, it's just so odd. Amy Fox was never like this. I've gone through a lot of 'stages' lately. Most of my life I lived as the cold, hard, trying-not-to-feel anything detective who lived and breathed police work. I didn't have anything else. But now I do. And it's changed me – big time. And I still haven't looked back.

But then Alex was stabbed. It put everything into perspective that I didn't know needed to be. For two days I tried to be inconspicuous and keep a bedside vigil. Jonesy covered for me, for which I will always be grateful. After everything we've been through as colleagues and friends, he understands me. So with his help I got to sit by Alex's bed and hold his hand while he slept. He drifted in and out, spoke sometimes to me, other times was too exhausted to. When he finally went home I fussed over him like some clucky mother hen, and for the first time spent the night in his bed rather than in my own. It was a turning point in our relationship – the first time really that we'd ventured out of my flat as a couple. I felt a bit exposed, but I found the strength to put it behind me. My mind was focused on Alex. Again, Jonesy was understanding, and it put me at ease as I slept beside a dazed Alex in a room that was so unfamiliar yet felt so homely at the same time.

He took some time off after the stabbing, at my insistence as well as the Boss's. It was difficult at first to work through my day without him just in the next room, or beside me in the car, but I was spurred on by the fact I would get to spend time with him when I got home. Isn't it extraordinary how when someone means so much to you, there's nothing more that you want to do but be with them. I find myself echoing Alex in the mess room that day – every moment not spent together is a moment wasted. There's nothing I would rather be doing than lying beside Alex and just whispering to him. And so that's what we did after hours for two whole weeks. I'm positive it aided in his healing process.

Today he's back at work, bounding around like he was never lying in a pool of blood in a back alleyway just a few short weeks ago. I watch him through the blinds in my office and smile to myself, a smile Jonesy sees when he looks up and follows my gaze. "He's changed me," I whisper more to myself than to him.

Evan looks at me, his eyes full of admiration and respect, taking me back a little. "You've changed him Amy," he smiles. My eyes must be saying 'Really? Have I? Nah, get out of here! Have I?' because he nods with such earnest I have to believe him. Well then, that's good. I'm pleased. A couple of months ago I felt like a burden to Alex Kirby – something he had to carry around and forever pick back up because it was so weak. And I always felt self conscious of that. I didn't want to be such a burden. I didn't want to be such a crying mess all the time. I didn't want Alex to have to keep rescuing me, because what sort of pressure was that on him? How was that fair? But he always took it in his stride – a trait I am forever admiring in him. It made me stronger to know that he was always strong. It made me want to be the same. And I have become the same I think. There was a time when I said it would never go away, that things would never change and maybe this was as good as it got. But I was wrong. Thank God.

I put my head back down, smiling wistfully to myself and get back to my report, which my Boss in St Davids wants faxed to him by 5 o'clock. It's nearly done, so I'll be able to send it away soon. Just one more paragraph. Just one more look at Alex. No! Focus Amy…..Alex….report!...whispering to Alex. Oh dammit. I might've become a better cop lately, but I've also allowed myself to become distracted much more easily. Oh well…there are worse things that could happen I suppose.

Just as I type the last words Alex enters our office, grinning as always. And he says my smile is beautiful…nothing beats his. He stands behind me as the printer spits out my lengthy report and plays with my hair, his gentle hands twisting and turning the strands that sit on my shoulders. It makes me chuckle quietly to myself and marvel yet again at how quickly we became set in our little ways with each other. A year ago I would have sprang up out of my chair in horror and fright if someone had started playing with my hair, no matter who it was. But Alex stands behind me today and chats casually with Evan and doesn't even notice me chuckling and smiling to myself. It's this that makes me realise we are part of each other now. My grin grows as I gather up the last of my report out of the printer and gently turn around to face Alex. "While it does feel great to have you playing with my greasy hair that really needs to be washed, I do need to fax this to St Davids," I give him an apologetic look and go to get up out of my seat, but he puts a hand on my shoulder, making me sit back down again.

"I'll do it for you," he assures me, taking the sheaf of papers from my hands. With a final lingering stroke of my neck under my hair, he exits the office and heads over to the fax machine in the muster area and begins feeding the papers into it. I watch him for a second and think for a moment how lucky I am. I gather up my files and put the lap top to sleep for the night and seem unable to wipe the smile from my face. Evan laughs at me, so up in the clouds that I drop a file full of burglary notes all over the floor and watches with amusement as I pick them all up, unfazed, not even realising I look like such a fool. Hey what can I say? Dropping a file on the floor doesn't matter anymore. Not when you've got someone like Alex.

By the time I empty my locker and make my way back into the office to turn off my overhead lamp, everyone else is gone. I turn off the lamps switch and walk back out into the hallway for my secret rendezvous with Alex, a ritual that has become one of my favourite parts of the day. He wraps an arm around my waist and together, our steps in exact time, we walk outside and to my car.

I never used to be able to switch off when I got home from work. It was that whole living and breathing police work thing. I just could not switch off, and so it became hard to separate my time from work time, which meant I never had any me time really. But now I can. It's amazing the things I've been able to achieve with Alex's help. We walk through the door together and settle on my couch with our boxes of Thai. We eat a lot of Thai, did I mention that?

I have a new couch – bigger, comfier and much more tempting than the one I had before. Much more room to spread out and much more space to lie lengthways next to each other. We kick off our shoes and settle in, Alex against the back of the couch and me tucked in next to him, my head resting against his chest. It's so relaxed, so simple, so us. I could lie like this forever.

I can feel his heart beating so close to my ear that I stop snapping my chopsticks for a second and just listen. It makes me smile, and I turn my face up to his as we continue to eat. "I don't want to move," I whisper, smiling still.

Alex shoves his chopsticks back into his box and uses that hand to brush my fringe lightly. His finger follows the curve of my cheek bone all the way down to my lips and he replaces his fingers with his lips in one swift movement. It's a feeling I revel in and I snuggle in closer to him feeling so, so relaxed. "We should go away," he whispers to me as his arm snakes around to drape across my hip.

"Go away?" I muse, actually eager to hear the rest of this idea.

"Yeah," he replies, nodding, ideas forming in his eyes. "Just the two of us. Just for a couple of days," he looks at me again. "What do you think?"

I take a deep breath and think it over. But it takes me all of half a second to say yes. "When?" I ask, becoming excited.

"Why not tomorrow?" his hand snakes up my body further and shifts me around so that I am lying on my stomach. I shuffle to be even closer to him than I already am and rest my elbows in the soft cushions of the couch and prop my chin up on my hands, looking into his gorgeous caring eyes.

"Why not?" it feels amazing to just make a random decision like this and I shuffle up further and place my lips firmly on his, grinning. I stroke his cheek with the back of my finger and he smiles into my eyes.

"God you're beautiful," he whispers, his breath warm on my face. He sounds almost disbelieving. And just like countless times before, we quickly become locked in a heated little tangled embrace and I can't stop kissing him. This is the life.

This is the life  
Everyone has to be somewhere  
I am here  
Testing a dream

Later we lie side by side in my bed, the sheets and blankets tangled around our legs as Alex keeps his arms around me. We both face the window, me on the left side of the bed and him on the right. Just like forever ago when the couch first became Amy and Alex's couch, I seem to fit perfectly into the curves of his body as we lie there, our breathing in time and content to just lie together in the darkness. His arm, always snaking around some body part of mine sits on top of my arm and ends with his fingers laced through mine and so when I hold up my hand in the moonlight his comes with it and my heart skips a beat for a moment when I can't tell whose hand is whose. Perfectly matched. We must be perfectly matched. It still takes my breath away.

"Do you remember when I taught you how to use chopsticks?" Alex whispers into my ear. The question makes me smile. I nod, turning over to face him but still cuddled into his hold.

"Of course," I reply, noticing Alex's eyes twinkling, even in this darkened room. The memories come flooding back into my head, giving me the wonderful feeling of contentment, like when you sit in the sun and it warms your skin. I stood at the door that night, so eager for him to leave because I couldn't hack the intensity of having him so close, and then he placed such a light kiss on my cheek that I finally looked up and watched him walk away from me. He's walked away from me a lot, and usually at my insistence. We've walked away from each other countless times. I've always questioned myself as to whether this was meant to be. But now that I can't tell my hand from his, I reckon it is.

We fall asleep in each others arms, happy memories of times passed floating around between us, and any bad memories dissolved long ago. I lie awake for just a few minutes more than Alex does though and feel his chest rising and lowering with each breath he takes as I lie with my head nestled just above his arm pit. He sleeps soundlessly, a restful look on his face. It puts me at complete ease, something no one else can do.

I sit comfortably in the passenger seat as the radio plays. For the first time in my life I belt out the words to songs I always knew at full volume. American Pie, Walking in Memphis, Mrs Robinson…the beat allows me to let go and relax. I am becoming excited at the prospect of leaving Mt Thomas for a while – even if it is just for a few days. It gives me a chance to be with Alex. We're heading to the Kirribilly Ranges – secluded, quiet, carefree – the perfect place.

How we got away and the excuses we made to get here don't matter. We're here now, together, the next two days at our fingertips. Alex is at the wheel and he hums and nods his head as he drives. Occasionally I catch his eye and smile. OK, maybe more than just occasionally. It's just too good a feeling. Like a drug almost – I can't get enough. How can someone be in love with someone else so much? He grins at me when our eyes meet and I see the same sparkle in his eye that I know is in mine. Whatever the next few days may bring, they can't be much better than this.

Take me away

To a place where the good times good times roll

As we near our rented holiday house in the heart of the Ranges, I stick my head out the window and take in the amazing views. The ranges sprawl out jaggedly around us, and there are no other cars on the dusty unpaved road. It feels like we're the only two people on earth…and maybe we are. Whatever, I don't care. Alex is all I need right now.

We get out and stretch our legs when we at last pull up outside the tiny little house. I stand and stare at it in the afternoon sunshine, one hand on my hip and one at my forehead, keeping the blinding glare out of my eyes. It's like something out of the Man from Snowy River – all weathered and old, but sturdy as a horse. A wooden verandah wraps around the front of the house by the front door and wildflowers border the entire place, sprouting out every which way, yet still somehow neat and orderly. As I take it all in, Alex comes and stands behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I grin, even though I can't see him. We are so comfortable with each other now. It's almost scary how quickly we settled into a routine – how quickly we settled into each other. It's a nice feeling.

"Just us," I whisper as I turn around to look him in the eye. He nods and leans in the kiss me – a light, delicate, whisper of a kiss that makes the butterflies that live inside me flutter their wings. He takes a hold of my hand and leads me inside, showing me around the tiny place. It's cosy and warm, and oozes old style beauty. We busy ourselves with bringing in the few bags we bought from the car, but it's not too long later after that we settle into bed, it already becoming dark outside.

The dark wood bed is high and almost a monstrosity, and it feels different as I crawl under the blankets to be beside Alex. But he wraps his arms around me as always and I melt into his hold, feeling safe and loved. We stare deep into each others eyes for the longest time before we meet in a hungry kiss, our lips clashing and bruising each other. "I love you Alex," I breathe between kisses, my face so close to his that our foreheads touch. He smiles and goes to kiss me again, cradling my face in his hands and pushing his fingers through my hair.

Oh my darling,

You look wonderful tonight

His touch can still send tingles down my spine, even after all this time, and tonight is no exception. We lie together in the darkness, and he places kisses down my neck and toward my collarbone, setting my mind reeling and my heart fluttering with exhilaration. I allow him to seduce me alone in our little hideaway and I tremble at any part of me that he touches, but loving it at the same time.

We come up for air and he brushes the damp hair from my eyes, stroking the side of my face with his gentle hand as he does so. "Amy," he says it so seriously that I hold my breath for a moment, meeting his eyes. He continues. "Let's get married tomorrow," his hand still holds my cheek, but shakes a bit as he finishes his sentence.

I laugh, shocked. "What?" Is he being serious? Married?

"Let's get married," he nods, smiling now, his trembles gone.

I look at him dumbfounded. "Seriously?" I still can't quite take it in.

He nods in earnest. "Will you marry me Amy Fox?" he grabs for my hands and holds them together in his, gripping them with all his might.

A yes tumbles out of my mouth instantly. Marriage. _Marriage._ Marriage? Yes, marriage. Alex and me. Why the hell not? We're meant to be. I want to be with Alex forever. If we get married we'll still be us. Just official. I would be his wife. Oh my God. Marriage.

He levitates off the bed, giving a joyous yell and pumping his fist in the air. I laugh along with him, letting my hair down well and truly. "Alex!" I shush him, embarrassed. He pulls me up out of the bed so that I am on my knees and leaning against his chest. I loop my arms around his neck and grin. We're gonna get married. Unbelievable. We stare at each other, our foreheads touching, grinning our faces off. "Are we really gonna do this?" I ask incrediously, butterflies in my stomach as I question his insanity.

"Hell yes," he proclaims. "If you want to," he raises his eyebrows at me, posing the question in the dark.

I pull him back down so that our heads rest on the pillows, facing each other. "Of course I want to," I beam at him. "Let's get married tomorrow."

It's 2 o'clock. I'm ready. I'm standing in front of the mirror just staring at my own reflection. I almost don't recognise myself. It's not just this dress that is making me look different – the dress Alex said could've been made just for me it was so perfect – it's the look I don't recognise in my eyes. Maybe I've not looked as closely at myself in the last twelve months as I should have. There's something different there. Well what do ya know? Thanks Alex. You've done it again.

I pick up the smooth pale gold silk of the skirt of my dress and walk carefully out of the room and to the verandah. There I find Alex waiting, sitting nervously in the wicker chair, his foot jiggling in anticipation. He is dressed in black pants and a crisp white shirt, unbuttoned at the top and no tie. It's the casual look. I like it. He wears a cool black jacket over his shirt and when I open the fly screen door and step out onto the wooden slats of the verandah, he turns around eagerly to get a look at me.

My cheeks flush pink as he smiles in my direction and stands up to meet me. Reaching to the window sill at my elbow, he picks up a bundle of ornately arranged bush flowers tied with a shimmering golden ribbon and hands the bouquet to me. I take it with both hands, allowing the flowing material of my dress to fall back down my feet. Alex beams at me, almost bursting with excitement and extends his elbow to me. I beam back and slip my arm through his and we walk down the wooden steps and onto the grass.

The sun shines down on us as we walk for just a few minutes to the tiniest little church I've ever seen. It's no bigger than the station muster area and stands on four stumpy wooden legs, bathed in a sunlight that peels the cream coloured paint off the outside walls. As we approach, I take in the scene before me, just like I did with our little house yesterday. It's nothing to look at really, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that we're here, about to change our lives.

This is it, I'm finally here

And all the blurry lines are clear

Suddenly I see the priest waiting at the door of the church and I get a bit choked up. A tear comes to my eye and I press my lips together trying to control my emotions. Don't let them run away with you Amy! I keep a firm grip on Alex's arm as we approach the steps up to the tiny church.

The priest smiles at us and leads us inside. He walks ahead of us, up the red carpeted aisle that is just a few metres long. Alex and I stop at the doorway before we go inside. "Are we really going to do this Alex?" I ask, looking intently at him, still trying to recover from my little choked up moment.

"Amy," he speaks soothingly to me, able to tell somehow that I need calming down. "I love you. I want to marry you. We're here. We're ready. Let's do it," he beams at me, that cheekiness I love about him creeping back into his expression.

We're ready. Let's do it. The words echo inside my head over and over. I take a deep breath and nod my head at him, my arm still looped through his. I can't believe we're finally here. This is it. The first day of the rest of my life. We make our way up the aisle, together. Just me, Alex and the man who will marry us.

I barely hear him speak. This is such a one off experience and I'm missing half of what's going on because I can't stop staring at this man in front of me. Alex loves me so much it makes me cry. What did I do to deserve him? He rescued me. He made me see that life could be good. I'm getting choked up again.

But Alex is as cool as a cucumber. He takes the bouquet from my hands and places it on the pew behind him and then smiling, he takes my hands and looks deeply into my eyes. "Amy Fox," he begins. But then he stops, as if not knowing what to say. His brow becomes furrowed and I suddenly realise that he's getting a bit choked up himself. My heart soars. He is so like me in some ways. We must be meant for each other.

He starts again, his head down, embarrassed slightly, but still holding onto my hands in front of him. "Amy Fox," he whispers. He promises to always protect me and be there for me. He promises to never go to bed without resolving a fight. He promises to always put my needs before his own. And he promises to love me forever. And when he slips the ring on my finger, my hand trembling so much that it takes three goes to get it on, I feel those butterflies in my stomach again. He leans in a bit closer and whispers, beaming, into my ear. "I told you that one day I'd marry you."

My knees give a wobble, but I manage to stay up right. It's my turn. I promise the same things and slip a simple gold wedding band onto his ring finger. Who cares that we were engaged for less than 12 hours – now we're married. I can't quite believe it. It's at this very moment, when I feel so beautiful in this dress, Alex looks amazing in his suit, and we're back in our own little bubble, married this time – joined forever – that I realise my mother was right. Sometimes wishes do come true.

The priest doesn't even have to tell us the formalities are over, we know it. Alex slides his hands around my waist and pulls me to him and we share a steamer of a kiss. It's passionate and sexy, and I bend right back as Alex holds me in a dip and we kiss hard and fast, drawing it out and lingering with our lips firmly planted on each other. When we finally stand back upright you can't wipe the grins off our faces and I forget for a moment we are in the company of a third person. My cheeks flush with embarrassment. I connect my gaze with Alex's but he doesn't even give me a chance to say anything before he whisks me up off my feet, knight in shining armour style, just like he did that day by the lockers when I lost it, and jogs us back down the aisle, kissing me again before we even reach the doorway. I look past Alex's head for just a quick second, if anything to at least acknowledge the kind favour the priest has done for us today. But a quick second is all I get. We are outside and in the sunshine just moments later and Alex spins me around again. I keep a firm hold around his neck as he dances around like a lunatic, the suns rays blinding us both.

There's nobody else around. Again it feels like we're the only two people in this world. And I didn't think life could get any better this time yesterday. How very wrong I was.

The sun is starting to set over the ranges, and even though it's growing colder, and darker, the change from day to night is creating the most spectacular views. We sit on the bluff together and just stare. Alex's legs are outstretched and I sit between them, leaning back comfortably on his chest, my head slightly tilted to the side. I feel so comfortable. So complete. I don't care that I'm sitting on the ground in this gorgeous dress, or that my hair is all wind blown and messy.

I lace my fingers through his and place them in my lap, in amongst the bundles of gold silk of my dress. I can see my ring glistening in the late afternoon sun and it makes me smile. I can't believe we got married. What possessed us? It seems the most insane idea now, but so very right at the same time. "What are we going to tell everyone at work?" I whisper to Alex.

"I don't know," he chuckles quietly, sounding completely stumped. "Whatever happens, happens," he pulls his arms around me in a front to back hug.

"Yeah," I agree, nodding my head, liking the new found casualness of myself that has come out in the last week.

Eventually we get up and wander back to the little house we have rented until tomorrow. I take off my dress and drape it over the chair in the corner of the bedroom. Wow, it even looks gorgeous on a hanger. I'll never forget how it felt to wear it. And to marry Alex. Oh my God, I can't believe I married him. I'm like a different person. Amy Fox was never going to marry anyone. She thought she could never find anyone as great as her Dad. But that was before she met Alex Kirby.

"You know that ring totally suits you," Alex says as he walks up behind me and sits on the bed, leaning back to turn on the bedside lamp quickly. I turn around, laughing as I do so. I put my hands on my hips and stand purposely in front of him very aware of the feeling of the ring on my finger. Am I the luckiest girl in the world or what! He looks up at me with puppy dog eyes and I feel my composure melt. How can I resist a face like that?

On the way back to Mt Thomas, Alex and I sing our heads off again – On My Mind, You're The Voice, Summer Lovin' – enjoying every second. If we were like an old married couple before, we are more than ever right now. It feels incredible. I've been married to Alex Kirby for just 24 hours now, but it feels like it's already been years. Is that another sign? One I never saw before we were married? Probably. I smile to myself anyway. It doesn't matter – we're husband and wife now. Nothing can change that.

By the time we are driving back down the main drag of Mt Thomas it's after 5pm. Shops are closing and there are only a few people on the street. We head to the station, because I have to pick up some drug squad briefs, of which half are already at home, in an envelope, waiting to be posted to Melbourne. When we pull up to the stations entrance there is not a soul around, and Alex and I run inside, hand in hand, and into my office where the briefs are sitting on my desk. I pick them up quickly, tip toeing for some reason and we jog back out into the muster area, still holding hands. When we reach the door that separates the muster area from reception, Alex stops so suddenly that I almost run into him. "What?" I ask him urgently.

He looks around, taking in the empty desks and vacant seats. "The next time we come in here, everyone else will be here," he whispers to me, a smile creeping into his expression. I know immediately what he means. The next time we front up for work, whether it's separately or together, we'll be fronting up as two changed people. Two married people. Our secret could be out at last. Everything will change.

"I know," I giggle in reply. It doesn't seem so bad. Who cares what anyone else thinks? We got married, it was our decision. We're still coppers. We can still do our jobs. I give Alex a grin and we sprint out of the station and back to the car.

The very next morning it's back to normal. I'm back in the office by 7am and Alex doesn't begin his shift until 9. Everything is exactly how we left it three days ago. Except for one major thing. One major thing no one has noticed yet. And it makes it feel even more like it was all such a dream. Even now, I can't get my head around it. Maybe it was a dream. But I look down at my left hand and on my finger shines a beautiful diamond ring, proving time and time again that it was all real. I shake my head in amazement still. Everything's changed, and for once I'm not afraid at the prospect.

It isn't long though before everyone else is on deck and beginning another day at the office. Susie and Kelly come and go from patrol and call outs. Joss tags along with Matt and Evan. No one has noticed the rings on our fingers. Of course we're wearing them. I'm not going to hide it. But my heart beats in anticipation anytime someone comes close enough, wondering what they will say or think when they catch a glimpse.

Finally, it happens. It's lunchtime and I'm making myself a coffee in the mess room, staring into space and reliving our ceremony for the hundredth time in my head. I don't even realise I'm smiling like an idiot until I hear Kelly come into the room. It brings me back to reality and I stop stirring my coffee to death. Kelly smiles at me and opens the fridge, sticking her head inside, searching in vain for something to eat.

I shake my head and concentrate on my coffee. I lean against the bench, still a little bit away with the fairies and therefore not realising that as I lean against the bench, my back to it, my left side is closest to Kelly. And I have to give her some credit – she doesn't miss a beat. After several minutes, she finally emerges from the fridge, holding some a paper wrapped bundle of polony. As she straightens up she looks at me again and goes to smile but stops mid way. Her eyes open just a little bit wider than normal and she stops dead in her tracks as she looks down at my left hand – the one that's holding my coffee cup. Self consciously, and still not having caught on, I stand up straight instead of slouched against the bench and change my coffee cup to my right hand, staring at her.

Kelly frowns, and then smiles. "Random question," she begins. I nod, waiting for it. "Since when were you married?" She stares straight at my finger and I finally catch on. But I don't shove my hand in my pocket, which I fully thought I would do the moment anyone asked. In fact, I was planning to if anyone did ask. But now I'm here, put on the spot, and I'm too over the moon to shove my hand in my pocket and hide away the fact I'm now married.

Still, I bow my head a little when I reveal the truth. With a bashful smile, I speak out. "Since two days ago," I admit, not speaking too loudly. It's not that I don't want anyone else to hear, but just that I still can't quite get over it. I still haven't even said it out loud really yet, and right now is the first time anyone else has been let in on our little secret.

Kelly rushes up to me and sidles up right beside me at the bench, which I have gone back to leaning on in a daze. She grabs at my hand and holds it in front of her. I jerk forward in the process as she stares at my ring wide eyed. "It's beautiful!" she breathes. She's right, it is. Again, a silly, giddy grin erupts onto my face as I stare at it with her.

Kelly is still a little disbelieving when she finally tears her eyes away from my ring and looks at me. "I can't believe it," she whispers. "Two days ago?" she shakes her head, awestruck. "What was it like?"

The answer is on the tip of my tongue. "Amazing," I gush quietly. Seems funny I'm speaking to Kelly this way – our age gap has always prevented us really talking anything other than police talk I think – but I think if Ronald McDonald asked me if I'd gotten married I would've spilt the whole story to him too. "Just the two of us. Nobody else. It was just so, so perfect." Wow I sound like such a mush.

"Wow," she breathes, a faraway look entering her eyes. But then suddenly her body jerks off the bench and she stands in front of me, her hands on her hips. "Wait! Who's the guy!"

I can't believe it took her so long to ask. It makes me laugh, even though I feel awful doing it in front of her. But I can't say it…then our secret would be out, and apart of me wants to keep living this little dream. She'll figure it out sooner or later. Or maybe sooner.

"Hang on a second…" she's figuring it out in her head. I can just see her brain turning over. "Oh my God, it's Alex isn't it?" she yelps before quickly racing her eyes around the room to make sure no one had entered and heard her. "I knew I saw something on his finger this morning!" She pulls me into a hug, jumping up and down, making me jump up and down too. I laugh, letting out my excitement fully at last, although still not squealing ecstatically like I want to. I'm trying to be professional here. But it's difficult when Kelly is so excited.

She pulls away, and holds me at arms length. "Wow," it's her new word of the moment. "Wow. I can see it in your face too Amy, wow," she whispers. "You look soooo different," she exclaims quietly. "You're glowing," she grins at me, seeming genuinely pleased.

I feel embarrassed but bursting with pride at the same time. Maybe this is it at last. Maybe this is the beginning of the happy me. I so want to leave the unhappy me behind. And maybe I can. I'm married now. I'm in love. What was that Emma Thompson said on Love Actually? 'True love lasts a lifetime.' Hmmm could it be?

Just as I ponder this and Kelly begins making herself a sandwich at the bench beside me, Alex wanders in. I beam at him and his expression immediately changes to smile back at me. My butterflies give another flutter – only the millionth time this week. He walks over to me, and grabs my hand, holding it secretly down by his side as we just feel content in each others presence. I look into his eyes, just smiling, unable to tear my eyes from his. Kelly fusses around getting her sandwich assembled, and I can feel her eyes boring into me as I stay connected to Alex.

Thankfully she flits off seconds later, smiling to herself, and I am appreciative of her respect for our privacy. As she finally leaves the room Alex inches closer until my back is against the bench and he is standing in front of me, inexplicably close. He leans in, his cheek to my cheek, and whispers in my ear. "Did you tell her?" he breathes.

I smile, just liking the feel of him so close. "She worked it out for herself," I reply, just as quietly. He moves back to look at me again and delicately places his lips upon mine and I taste the cinnamon scroll he has just eaten. Rather than it being a sickening feeling, it's sweet and delicious and I make sure our kiss lasts. Now that I can be sure we'll always be together you'd think I could hold off on getting my hands on him a bit, but I can't. I loop my arms around his neck and smile into his eyes. "I just want to tell everyone," I whisper.

"So do I," he admits, chuckling quietly. It's a special, quiet little moment that makes me wish we could just lie in bed all day long everyday and just be like this. But work must get done. Criminals don't work business hours. He presses his lips into mine again, harder this time, and I respond just as eagerly. We draw it out, letting it linger for as long as we can manage in a public place before he has to go when a shout from Joss can be heard out in the muster area. He walks backwards toward the door so that he can still see me until the very last minute. When he reaches the door, I spring to life and launch myself off the bench and run to him, grabbing him back and hiding him around the corner for just one more kiss. I grin as I kiss him hard and fast again and again as he inches away from me, laughing all the while, because we both know the world of crime awaits. "Amy," he whispers, smiling. "I've got a-" no your lips are mine Kirby! "-callout with…" I grab him back one more time – last time I promise – and re enact that steamer of a kiss we shared on our wedding day. Jesus, who would've thought Amy Fox could be this passionate! Her husband must bring it out in her. "…Joss. I really have to go," he kisses me once more and then leaves with a wave. I blow him a kiss as he walks away.

Gamble everything for love

Gamble everything for love

He returns a few hours later, and I am waiting for him again in the mess room, trying to look inconspicuous with my 17th cup of coffee. Somehow he knows I'm waiting here and creeps in to meet with me again, and the moment he is close enough I feel my butterflies come back. He loops an arm around my hip as we stand at the bench and he leans in to kiss me lightly on the cheek. "Amy," he whispers, tantalisingly close to my ear. I cock my head in an answer. "Do you want to go to the pub tonight?"

"The pub?" I am a little shocked. It's not the usual Amy Alex territory and I turn to him questioningly.

He nods, and just the look on his face instantly reassures me. "I think it's time to reveal all," he raises his eyebrows, smiling at me.

It's scary for just a split second, but quickly begins to feel like the right idea. I whisper back my reply, nestling in just a little closer. "Are they ready for it?" I can't help but give a chuckle – our secret is thrilling and romantic right now, but it's also the most fun I've ever had.

He grabs my hand in an answer, and we run out of the station, out to the car and back to my flat. We spend the next hour together, just tangled on my couch, enjoying each others company and the relative silence of my tiny flat. Perhaps we are gearing ourselves up for confronting the gang later on at the pub. I can't say I'm not nervous. What will they say? What will they think? Will I walk in there with my hands in my pockets? Or will I walk in there free as a bird, holding onto my husband's hand? I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Before we leave, I brush my hair and change my earrings, and then sling my purple coat on. Holding Alex's hand, we leave my flat and walk downstairs out to the carpark. Just five minutes later we are walking into the parlour of the Imperial and through the draped curtain that separates the silence from the buzz of the bar on a Friday night. Alex squeezes my hand, which is still laced perfectly through mine. I look down at our hands, and it makes me smile – a smile I wear as I walk into the bustling public bar.

Alex and I walk up to the bar and I notice immediately Chris's attention has been diverted by us and our linked hands. She quickly finishes serving her customer his beer, slopping it on the bar towel as she does so – very un-Chris like – and flings her tea towel over her shoulder as she bolts over to us as we hang back near the curtain still. She grins in that in the know, on the case, ecstatically happy but holding it in to not make you feel uncomfortable way. She leans her elbows on the bar and gives us a wink, beckoning us over. As we approach, she looks directly at me. "Show me," somehow she has worked out exactly what we did and now just wants to see the evidence.

I hold out my left hand for her to see, and I can't help but grin my face off. Her reaction is similar to Kelly's, without all the hopping up and down, and she squeezes my hand after she is done with having her stare at my ring. "I always knew," she tells us wistfully, that glint in her eye. I look at Alex, a little surprised. Was it that obvious? He shrugs his shoulders back at me and we continue to lean on the bar, our joined hands resting on the bar towel that advertises Victoria Bitter.

I cast my eyes around, searching for my workmates. I first see Kelly, who grins at me from over at the pool table as she goads Joss in his never ending pursuit to beat her at their favourite game. Joss's concentration is occupied on sinking his current shot, so my eyes continue to drift around the room. Surprisingly enough we don't see anyone else from work and so, without having to discuss, we take a seat at a table in the corner, just near where the boys often play their darts.

I feel content at having revealed to Chris our big secret, and by the looks of Alex, he is too. We sit quietly for a few moments and then it suddenly occurs to me that we didn't order anything to drink. But it doesn't matter. Half a second later Chris is striding up to our table, a bottle of champagne in her hand, giving away our news well and truly if Alex and I sitting together hasn't already.

Chris sets the bottle down on the table with two fine glass champagne flutes, their rims edged in gold. I stare at them, it all making me realise yet again that I'm now married to the most wonderful man in the world. I shuffle my chair closer to his and lean into his shoulder, resting my head there, relaxed. We just sit there silently, my fingers still laced through his.

We are alone for a lot longer than I thought we would be. It's not for another fifteen minutes that Evan, Susie and the Boss enter the public bar and their prying eyes catch us hiding around the corner. Unknowingly they join us and we quickly get curious looks from all three of them – although not quite as shocked as I had expected. "What's the champagne for?" Susie asks innocently, eying us off suspiciously.

"We're celebrating," Alex replies, a smug, happy grin on his face.

"Celebrating what?" the Boss is curious too, and he leans forward as he asks.

"Our marriage," I finally pipe up, my voice barely a whisper. I'm scared – I can't believe I've said it out loud. Still, I surprise myself and maintain eye contact with all three of them while I wait for their reactions. Under the table, resting on Alex's knee, lie our linked hands and Alex squeezes a little bit tighter as I speak. It's exactly what I need.

"You two got married?" Susie asks, her hand flying to her mouth, her eyes wide. Alex and I nod in reply, and together we lift our linked hands onto the table, where in between the fingers of Alex's right hand are the fingers of my left hand and all the evidence one needs to prove we are now husband and wife. Susie gasps when she sees it, and then again when Alex brings his left hand up to reassuringly rub mine.

"I didn't even know you were seeing each other!" she whispers. She looks at Evan and the Boss, who sit on either side of her, asking them silently if they knew. They nod and smile, and Susie quickly realises she was the only one at this table out of the loop. I smile at her, preparing my answer in my head quickly.

"We just did it," I explain, almost feeling bad for keeping her in the dark. No matter how much Susie and I have never really clicked, she's still not a bad person. It makes me wish that something good could work out for her too. "On a whim, spur of the moment…we just…did it," I'm trying to explain how unexpected it was for us too, but somehow it's not coming out right.

Still, Susie seems to understand, and gets up out of her chair, bustles around to our side of the table and dishes out kisses and hugs in congratulations. As she hugs me I feel the meaning in her embrace and when she pulls away I smile. "Thanks for understanding," I whisper. She nods, seeming truly happy for me.

"It's so unexpected Amy," she shakes her head again in disbelief. "It's great though, I'm really pleased for you and…I'm glad you've found someone," she leans down to hug me again and tears come to my eyes. I'm glad I've found someone too.

"Chris!" Evan yells as Susie sits herself back down and wipes a pesky tear from her eye with the back of her hand. "We need some more glasses!" I grin and watch Chris bring us six more glasses as the rest of the troops finally join us, even Matt the Silent.

I reach over and pull at Chris's hand as she goes to walk away though, not allowing her to go back to work straight away. "Grab one for yourself too Chris," I smile. "Join us," she nods happily and leans back over the bar to get herself a flute, and Tom quickly unwraps the bottle of champagne and pops the cork. It flies across the room and lands on the exact spot where Alex and I rested our hands when telling Chris our news. Together we laugh and let out our breaths – thank goodness that cork didn't get anyone in the eye – and it's champagne all round. As Alex hands me my glass, he leans in to kiss me and without a second thought, I kiss him back to the sound of wolf whistles and hoots from our colleagues. It is the first time ever that we have really exposed our double life together…and it feels incredible.

I thought I would feel embarrassed and self conscious at so much attention coming my way, but it's ok. With Alex still holding onto my hand, we drink our champagne and chatter with everyone, divulging the story of our private little ceremony in the ranges and the secret we have hid about us being together on and off for at least a year. Everyone marvels quietly as we celebrate and I find myself unable to wipe the smile off my face. Actually, I don't think I've been able to wipe it off for days now.

We sit and talk all night long, emptying bottle after bottle of Chris's finest champagne and I am touched by how well everyone has taken in our unexpected news. They're all being so great and so supportive, and I really wasn't expecting that. It makes me realise yet again that saying yes to Alex's proposal was the right decision.

As closing time approaches, the patrons empty out of the bar and Chris begins stacking up the chairs and collecting the stray glasses. She allows the eight of us to stay until the very last moment and we get up, surrendering our glasses and empty bottles. We all walk out towards the parlour, Alex and I bringing up the rear, listening to the chatter that still erupts from the group as they make their ways outside. But before I leave, I lean in to give Chris a peck on the cheek in appreciation – without doing much at all, she has done so much. She smiles and tells me to have a good night. Alex takes my hand again and we walk out into the parlour, putting back on our coats and jackets.

As I pull on my coat again, I notice Tom standing in the corner by the stairs, staring at the stained colour of the wood on the banister. Just his presence puts me at ease. "Goodnight Boss," I call out softly as Alex walks ahead of me after Evan calls out to him from the front door.

He looks up and smiles. "Amy," something in his voice makes me separate from Alex for a moment and walk over to him. I stand in front of him by the stairs and he takes both my hands in his, a thoughtful look on his face. "I just wanted to say that I'm really happy for you," he says quietly. Such a simple sentence brings a tear to my eye, because I know that he means it more than anyone else. I nod at him, holding my tears back. "You deserve to be happy…" his voice teeters off before it comes back for the big finale. "Whatever you may think you are, you're a good person, and I want you to be happy. Kirby has the power to change you and…I can see it already," he smiles again. "You made the right decision Amy." It's such a relief to hear that I grab him immediately in a hug, letting the tears flow freely down my cheeks, making his checked shirt damp at the shoulder. It means a lot to know someone as important and influential in my life as Tom Croydon thinks I've made the right decision. Apart of me was looking for that I think.

An hour later Alex and I are back at my flat after a long goodbye chat in the carpark of the Imperial with everyone. We stumble through the door, all that champagne maybe making us a bit more stumbly than usual and collapse onto my bed in the dark. As soon as my head hits the pillow though Alex grabs me and turns me over and then pulls me off the bed. "Wait Amy," he whispers in the darkness, trying to suppress his laughter. "I forgot to do something!" he drags me back out into the hallway and then to the front door, tripping over his own feet every second step, and making me stumble along with him, dazed and confused.

"What are you doing!" I can't help but laugh. This craziness is something so new and fresh to me that I let myself be dragged along through my dark flat at 1am. Alex yanks open the door and pulls me out into the chilly stairwell. We stand there, facing each other for a few seconds and I shrug my shoulders at him, questioning his antics. "What?" I ask.

"Remember when I told you about those pictures in my head, of you and I?" he asks, grabbing my hands.

"Yeah," I reply, still thoroughly confused. I raise my eyebrow at him, questioningly.

"One of them was to carry you over the threshold," he grins, pulling me closer to him so that our hips touch, even through our bulky coats. He grins wickedly at me, waiting for my answer.

I burst out laughing, but want to cry at the same time. I manage to do a bit of both. I'd pictured it too, never imagining it could ever happen. "But this isn't even a new house," I argue weakly, still staring at him laughing.

"Who cares?" and with that he lifts me up and kisses me hard as I link my arms around his neck. It doesn't matter that I'm not wearing my wedding dress or that I don't have a bouquet in my hand, or that our wedding was days ago. We live for the moment now – and the champagne might have something to do with it too. Alex kicks open the door wide with his foot and over the threshold we go, trying to muffle our giggles so as not to wake the neighbours. When we're inside, he kicks the door shut and I gasp at how loud the bang is, ever conscious of the other residents on this floor. But Alex doesn't notice. He runs with me down the hallway and back into the bedroom where we collapse back onto the bed again. He throws himself down beside me and wraps an arm across my stomach, his fingers finding their way underneath the hem of my shirt, creating goose bumps on my skin instantly.

I lean over in the dark and find his lips in a second, holding my hand softly against his cheek. My eyes closed kissing his lips, I shuffle closer and we press against each other, the heat quickly springing up between us. My right arm snakes around to his shoulder blades to hug him as he lets his hands roam over me. I can't believe this feels so good. The old me would never have allowed it, but now, now that the tables have turned and I took the plunge and married this man I probably always loved, it feels so incredibly good. So incredibly right. Everything that's happened in the last week should've happened ages ago. I wish it had have. Or maybe I don't, because then I wouldn't have this feeling of right now making me feel like I've inhaled a happy gas of some sort.

With the most intricate precision, he peels off my heavy purple coat and half throws it, half lets it fall onto the floor beside the bed. I'm too caught up in the moment to be embarrassed about the way we are fumbling around like teenagers in the back of his fathers Holden. I remember back for a second to when I initiated a moment just like this and then did the weak thing and backed out right at the last minute. That was not a good moment, but right now as my buttons are being undone and Alex is kicking off his shoes, I wipe it from my memory. That's in the past. Right now we are giddy and excited, and so at ease with each other that this is the most natural thing in the world.

My hands are trembling as much as his are though and it takes my breath away to just feel the heat of his skin underneath my fingertips and at the thought of being able to have this forever, because now we are married and nothing can take that away from us. I can be with Alex Kirby forever. He runs his hands down my spine as I run a finger down his neck and across his shoulder in the darkness. I can see almost nothing, just a faint silhouette of my husband, but it's not stopping us. He continues to kiss me hungrily and I am only to willing too return the kisses just as passionately. Even in the darkness he can make me smile.

Later we lie together quietly, as always, tangled in each others arms, the sheets tied in knots around our legs. I lay cradled in Alex's armpit, my hair splaying over his shoulder, his arm holding onto me protectively. I pull the sheet up almost to my chin as we lay here and curl up next to him even closer, my head replaying the events of tonight. "They took it really well, don't you think?" I ask, turning my head up to look at him in the darkness as I finish my question. Alex nods his head thoughtfully, and gives me a squeeze.

"It was a good night," he agrees, summing up the feeling of the event in just a few words.

I take a deep breath and reveal my insecurities all of a sudden. "I didn't think I'd be able to say it out loud," I whisper, ashamed. It makes Alex sit up and he turns onto his side and faces me, propping his head up with his hand.

"Why not?" he's curious, understandably.

I can do nothing but shrug. Why did I think I wouldn't be able to? "It was doable with you there," I admit. He smiles, instead of taking it the wrong way like I feared he might. Ever since we got married I've felt a little stronger and the realisation suddenly hits me like a freight train. If I had married anyone else, or I had had to tell my colleagues that I'd gotten married by myself I would never have been able to do it. But with Alex leading my double life with me, I found that I could. I guess I let him give me confidence. Just enough of it.

If you'd let somebody love you just enough

You'd have everything you'd need to break

Free from all your pain

We go back to lying in the dark again, just quietly breathing together. I play with Alex's fingers and lace them every now and again through mine. We lie this way for an hour, letting our champagne induced highs wear off. Still, it doesn't take the gleam off the fantastic night we've had. But all of a sudden my eyes fill with tears and they fall silently down my cheeks. "Why the tears Amy?" he whispers, holding onto me still.

I shuffle, embarrassed in his arms, wondering why I am crying. I think hard about it for a minute and finally pin point it at last. I smile weakly up at him through my tears, which are subsiding already – something that does not usually happen when Amy Fox cries in the privacy of the night. My voice is still choked and sobby though as I answer him. "I'm so glad I married you," I whisper, barely able to get the words out. It sounds so clichéd and lame, but it's exactly what I feel right at this moment. I push myself up on the bed and towards his lips where he kisses me tenderly in the dark. It's the best feeling in the world, and just like so many times before we can't stop. Suddenly any tears are just a memory, and I am revelling in the feelings Alex can produce in me.

I couldn't really tell you what we did, because it's too private, but let's just say it was a thrill, in the way going away at the last minute was, and getting married was, and meeting in the carpark after hours is. We can't get enough of each other and it sends my heart aflutter with excitement about what the future might hold. To think that I can have this until the day I die…the mind boggles.

"What do you think we'll be like in ten years time Amy?" he asks suddenly as he pulls the covers over my bare shoulders. "Where do you think we'll be?" The question makes me go back to my mental photo album – the one I never used to allow myself to see. Where will we be? I ponder over it silently in my head. Will we still be in Mt Thomas? Will we be living in domestic bliss in some leafy suburb? Will we have kids? Will we still be in the force? Will I be a mother, and Alex a father?

"I don't know," I answer honestly. He gives me another hug, holding my tightly in what I have come to think of as not just my bed anymore, but ours. How amazing it still feels to say 'ours'. It is a constant reminder that we're now married.

"Do you think we'll have a baby one day?" he asks, tentatively, knowing it could be a touchy subject with me. But for once I don't shudder at the thought of allowing it to happen. Once upon a time I did, always attaching the memories of the time when I was sixteen to anything related to me and babies, but now, content and safe in the arms of Alex, it doesn't seem like such a nightmare, and the thought of it happening doesn't make my memories return with such force.

I push my hair back behind my ear, and inhale slowly and surely, picturing him with a tiny bundle in his arms, and beaming with pride. I see myself beside him, satisfied and happy, and never more in love with Alex. Could it really happen? Can visions and daydreams really come true? Could we be parents one day? Could life get any better than it is right now? "Yeah," I nod my head sincerely at him. He beams – it's exactly the answer he wants to hear from me. My mind races at the possibilities our future holds.

The realisation that together we can change our lives in an instant make me want to start trying right now, and then get up tomorrow morning and pack my bags and go and live in that domestic bliss with my husband, but we fall asleep instead, in amongst more kisses and lingering touches, our arms wrapped around each other.

Two weeks later we feel exactly the same. Life is still wonderful, as clichéd as that sounds. It's like we can't get out of the newlyweds mode and I still live to meet Alex in the hallway at the end of the day and walk outside with him. We do it everyday – it will forever be a ritual I think – and even though it might sound boring, we are anything but. It suits me just fine, and I am so in tune with Alex's senses now, after just two weeks of living in each others pockets and not being able to get enough of each other that I know it suits him just fine too.

We still lead a secret double life somewhat – it's hard to be professional on the job when the sight of him makes me weak at the knees. I can't keep the smile from my face knowing that he loves me, and it takes everything I have not to escape into the nearest stationary closet or vacant interview room with him and sneak a quick kiss, which is sometimes more like a teenage 'pash' when we're really hungry for each other. It's just the most extraordinary thing – I guess it's because before Alex I had nothing to live for…not even myself. Now I have something else to live for and it feels amazing. It's comforting to know that Alex lives to have me in his life too – something he makes sure he tells me everyday. Romance is alive and well in this police station.

Alex has told me Susie and Jonesy are on their way up too, which makes me glad. I have to admit though that I am a bit oblivious to it all – I have eyes only for Alex. But it's good that they're getting on. Whilst sometimes love can get in the way of police work and create a list of problems as long as your arm, other times it seems like the last thing you need to worry about. As Jonesy so honestly put it once – love changes everything. When you're as in love as Alex and I are – and it's a whole new ballgame now that we're married – being on the job together is a bonus rather than a problem. It makes everyday fly by and every night last longer than the one before – and don't we love it.

Before I know it we are at our one month anniversary and celebrate it in typical Alex Amy style – by lying in bed together all night, just whispering in the dark. I marvel quietly to Alex about how quickly the time has gone by and how our wedding still feels like it was just yesterday. I can remember every detail of it so well, and seem to replay it in my head at least once a day. As we reminisce about what happened just a month ago we steadily slip into a silent reverie and I lay in Alex's arms as he strokes my hair softly, placing kisses on my ears every now and then. It makes me smile and cuddle up closer to him.

"You know," I begin, broaching a subject we have left dangling for weeks now. "I do want to have kids," I whisper, nervous at what his response might be. Having kids seems like the fairytale – but that's not the only reason I want it. Or maybe it is. I don't know. It just seems so right. So right the way getting married seemed. The natural next step without my even realising it.

"I know you do Amy," he whispers in reply, pulling me up a little more so that I settle into the curves of his chest, my arm curled over his torso and my hand resting on his heart. We fit into each other like a jigsaw, and I smile up at him as we continue to whisper to each other, excitement entering our voices the more we discuss it. "And one day it'll happen," he reassures me, kissing the top of my head and picking up my hand with his and holding it up against his.

I decide to grab the moment by the throat and say something I know he won't be expecting. "What if it happened sooner than we had planned?" I ask tentatively. It's scary and exciting at the same time to think our lives change every moment we are together. If things happen fast, like our wedding did, or if they take years like having kids might, we will still love every moment.

"What do you mean?" Alex asks curiously. Suddenly I don't know what to say, and hold back for a moment. But Alex lifts my chin with his hand and makes me look at him. "We've just gotten married Amy," he reminds me quietly.

"I know," I reply, getting a bit of my strength back. "And I didn't think I'd be thinking about this so soon," I brush the hair out of my eyes and take a few deep breaths, trying to decide how to put my feelings into words so that Alex can understand. "But…I don't know," gosh I'm failing miserably at this. Please just read my mind Alex! "It just feels so right…you know?" His only response is to hold me tighter and kiss the top of my head again. Somehow though, it works. "Maybe having a baby is just…the next step?"

"Do you feel like it is?" he asks me, willing the truth out of me even more.

"I do," I answer honestly. "I didn't think I wanted kids…not before I met you…not before we got married. I think now I've stopped living my life through work you know…it's something I want now. With you," I finish my speech off and find myself beaming at him, unable to help myself.

It makes him laugh and my heart leaps inside my chest, excitedly. "Really?" he asks, staring at me with such intensity that I touch a hand to his face to make him believe it all. A smile immediately adorns his features as he grabs me and kisses me so passionately I blink a few times in surprise. Does he really want this? Could we be thinking along the same wave length?

Suddenly I have verbal dirreohrea. "Yeah," I gush as I go to kiss him again, smiling as I do so. Excitement pumps through my veins. "Everything seems better with you Alex," I confide, embarrassed slightly. "I feel like I can do anything – like we can do anything – and it'll all turn out fine. We got married, and it hasn't been a disaster, we told everyone at work and it hasn't been a disaster, we still work together and it's not a disaster. Why shouldn't we have a baby?" I can't believe how up front I'm being. A month ago I imagined Alex saying all this to me, rather than me to him. But everything changed the moment we got married. "It just feels like the right thing," I look into his eyes again, searching for an answer that will compliment my question.

"I do agree with you Amy," he reassures me and I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. "Can you imagine us as parents?" he laughs. I can, but I don't let on. It doesn't matter though – I can see his mind ticking over as he pictures us as parents and how great it would be. It's almost frightening how quickly Alex and Amy could go from a two to a three. It feels so right, why shouldn't we do this? I think to myself. "It does feel right," he answers me honestly, turning serious again. "Why shouldn't we?" his words echo my thoughts.

Like an excited little child, I squirm beside him. I am floating. We're going to do this – we're gonna be parents. Babies. Kids. Family. It's everything I always wanted and never thought I could have. Now I have the opportunity, why shouldn't I take it? Especially if it's something Alex wants as well. I feel my priorities changing positions. Suddenly work seems like just something to earn a living off. I'll always be a detective, and I'm not going to throw in the towel anytime soon. I promised myself I would fight for justice until the day I die, and that will always be my mantra. But being with Alex, and dare I say it, starting a family of our very own, is climbing into top spot pretty darn fast. I can't believe how excited I am at the thought. Alex Kirby has definitely changed me. The Boss was right.

I hoist my upper half partly onto Alex's chest as he lies beside me and stroke the side of his face with my hand. We smile into each others eyes for the longest time before our lips meet again in a hungry kiss – as the always seem to be. As we become lost in each other more as each minute passes I put my fingers to his lips all of a sudden and ask him one more time. "Are we really going to do this?" I ask with the same energized nervousness I had on our wedding day before we walked up the aisle and I asked Alex the same question.

"Amy," he cups my face in his hands and it relaxes me completely for a fleeting moment. But he becomes flustered in the special moment as well. "A baby," he breathes, sounding bewildered. "Really Amy?" he asks me, so sincere and so unsure. For once it is me on the strong end, confirming things. And I've never been so sure of anything in my life.

"Really," I nod. It's taking everything I've got to keep the tears away. I can't believe we're going to do this. It seems like such a dream. He grabs my lips with his own and showers me with kisses, his breathing steady and deep. I run my fingers jaggedly through his hair, my butterflies making me become caught up in the moment so much that a shiver runs up and down my body repeatedly as I become so quickly enveloped into Alex's spell. We embrace each other in the most gentle way and I am taken aback by how different a person Alex can be when it is just him and I. He runs a trembling hand up my arm – right from my fingertips to my shoulder, setting my skin alight with every centimetre – and my breath catches in my throat as his hand settles on my cheek. I can see the look in his eyes, one of not wanting to be anywhere else but right here, and before we know it we can't tear our lips apart. It reminds me of our wedding day – doesn't everything? – and if it's possible, this kiss is even more passionate and more feverish. In the privacy of the bedroom I love Alex with every ounce of my soul and thank my lucky stars my life took this turn at last.

My long service leave – something I usually let pass me by and just pile up on my record into weeks and weeks of holidays that I'm due – is here. They've sent me the letter informing me of it three days ago, but I think I'll do my usual thing and just keep working. Although today I am not at all in the mood for it. God I feel shocking. I can't even pinpoint what it might be – but what I want it to be I won't even allow myself to consider. I could be setting myself up for nothing. And who wants that? I could shatter my dreams and Alex's. No, I'm not pregnant. Not so soon.

I stumble out of bed after Alex and make my way to the bathroom. I don't need to throw my head over the toilet so there's another piece of evidence that I'm not pregnant. I splash some water on my face to wash away the morning fuzziness. Alex appears behind me less than a second later and wraps his arms around me and we look at each other in the mirror. I can do nothing but smile – how does just his presence make me go all giddy? I turn around in his hold and we re enact our teenage pash like moments before getting ready for work. It succeeds in making me feel a bit more alive this morning.

I leave the flat without breakfast, securing my coat around me tightly as I walk out the door. As I lock the door behind us, Alex shoots me a concerned look and without saying a word, reaches for my hand. He holds it all the way down the stairs and to the car before he hops in the drivers seat and our day begins. I shuffle uncomfortably in my seat as he drives, grimacing at the stomach ache I seem to have.

"This is all your fault," I mumble to Alex, half a smile on my face through my pain. "You and your shocking spaghetti last night."

He gives me the puppy dog eyes and continues driving, knowing I am joking. I just need to get moving…and maybe have a cup of coffee. Then I can wake up and I'll feel better.

But it doesn't go away. I grimace and groan through the day, and it's an effort to get out of the chair every time I'm needed. By lunchtime the Boss calls me into his office and as I enter, I become scared of what he might say. He puts down his pen as I walk in, and stares down his glasses at me, in that way that always puts a little bit of fear through your bones. When I lean heavily against the door handle, and try to hide the look of pain on my face, he raises his eyebrows sky high. "Should I be concerned detective?" he asks skeptically.

I shake my head at him, trying to gather myself together. I force myself to stand up a little straighter.

"You're not…?" he doesn't say it, but I know it's crossed his mind.

I shake my head vehemently at him. "Oh no no no," I answer in a rush, not sounding as sure of myself as I'd hoped. "It's just Alex's spaghetti Boss," I reply, opening the door to leave. "It never agrees with me."

He frowns as I exit. "If you're sure," he mumbles, quickly getting back to his work. I make my way begrudgingly back to my office, hoping that Jonesy won't be there so that I can suffer in silence. I drop into my chair, noticing happily that Jonesy _is_ out of the station right now. Oh I didn't get my coffee! It might help. Out of the chair again, to the kitchen, grab the coffee jar off the shelf.

Suddenly the pain hits me like never before. I let out a cry, unable to hide the pain any longer and double over, clutching my stomach and sliding down the cabinets to the floor. This is excruciating! "Ahhhhh!" I scream as I scrunch up my face in pure agony. My eyes closed, I don't see Alex come running in in a hurry.

"Amy!" he gasps, crouching beside me, scared out of his skin. "What happened?"

"I think you should take me to a doctor," I manage to spit out. He nods his head in a daze, helps me to my feet, puts my arm around his shoulders and we make our way slowly out the back entrance of the station and into Alex's car. He sits me in the passenger seat and pulls the seatbelt across my body as gently as he can. When I'm all strapped in, I rest my head against the back of the seat and close my eyes briefly, wanting it all to just go away. In spite of myself, a tear falls off my eyelash.

Alex rushes around to the drivers seat, shoves the keys in the ignition and puts his foot down. We are at the hospital in a matter of minutes and he helps me inside in much the same fashion he helped me into the car at the station. We hurry along and as soon as we step into the emergency ward we practically bump smack bang into Dr Kate. Memories of Hollie flash back into my mind for just a second, but the pain is too great to keep thinking about it.

I guess the look on Alex's face says it all, so Kate leads us down the hall to her office, away from the madness that is emergency at anytime of the day. We go to enter, me still hanging off Alex for dear life, when Kate holds up her hand. "We won't be long Alex," she says quietly, helping me through the door. I look back at Alex, fear in my eyes and wishing he could come with me to hold my hand. What if it's something really bad? I begin to panic.

Fifteen minutes later I've been poked and prodded, my temperature taken and pills shoved down my throat. As awful as the experience is – I've never liked doctors – I feel better. I can't believe I overreacted so much. Food poisoning! That's all it is. Never again will I eat Alex's spaghetti. I make my way out of Kate's office, feeling better already. Those tablets sure work quickly!

Alex is pacing the hallway, his head down, hands in his pockets, studying the floor. His head snaps up when he hears the door open. "What is it?" he asks in a whisper, rushing over to me.

I smile, and I notice it immediately puts him at ease. I grab his hand and we walk slowly back down the hallway and out to the carpark. "It was your spaghetti," I state simply.

He stops dead. "What?" he looks at me pointedly.

"Your spaghetti," I nod, trying not to laugh. "Food poisoning….somehow," I shrug my shoulders. "We're taking that dish off your resume."

He lets out a long breath. "Oh Amy!" he bumps me gently with his shoulder, annoyed that I made him so scared, but instantly forgiving. He slips an arm around my waist and we walk back to the car. As I settle back into the passenger seat I think back to what I thought might be wrong with me. But I'm not pregnant. A little bit of me is sad, and a little bit of me not worried. It'll happen. I smile as we drive back to the station.

We're heading to Melbourne. Maybe we'll never come back. We don't know yet. Right now though, I couldn't care. I sit in the front seat, the seatbelt stretched over my belly. Seven months now. I've finally got something to show for it. While I'm not about to pop, it's not unnoticeable anymore either. Wearing this top, with its ¾ sleeves and boat neck, I stare down at the bump and fall in love yet again with how it looks. I can't believe this is happening. We're gonna be parents.

It happened a week after my food poisoning episode. I should've guessed, because as soon as I got over the spaghetti and Alex promised never to cook it again, I begun to feel just as wretched again. This time I knew it wasn't spaghetti, cos like I said, we took that off the menu. On a whim, and trying not to get our hopes up, we stopped at the chemist on the way home. We took the test back to my flat where I set it on the coffee table. Somehow I couldn't bring myself to open it. Alex and I stared at it on and off for hours. We ate our dinner and stared. We washed the dishes and stared. We even sat in front of it and watched tv and stared. I didn't know if I wanted to open it and take the test. What would the result be?

Finally I couldn't stand it anymore. Just as I went to open my mouth to tell Alex I was going to do it he spoke. "Oh just do it Amy," he breathed, getting restless. It was all the encouragement I needed. I sprang off the couch and took the test into the bathroom. It was the longest wait in the world. I wanted to bash my head against the wall in anticipation. Finally the results came up.

I opened the bathroom door and headed back out to Alex, who sat nervously on the edge of the couch. I've never seen his eyes so wide or his skin so pale as what they were that night. It made my heart rush with excitement. I walked up to him and he stood up to meet me and I looked into his eyes. "Positive," I breathed, beaming.

"Positive?" he asked, bewildered, just making sure.

I nodded, unable to wipe the grin from my face. "Woohoo!" he yelled and lifted me up as I gave a squeal of excitement. It was a scene reminiscient of our wedding day where Alex danced me around like a lunatic. I just couldn't stop smiling. While we wanted it, and longed for it, probably since before we discussed it on our anniversary, for it to actually happen was the biggest shock. The best one of course, but also the biggest. Just like I couldn't get my head around marrying Alex, I couldn't get my head around having a baby. It just seemed so surreal.

When you get to where you wanna go  
And you know the things you wanna know  
You're smiling  
When you said what you wanna say  
And you know the way you wanna play, yeah  
You'll be so high you'll be flying

We hopped into bed not long after, still up in the clouds from the news. Alex could not keep himself away from me, and suddenly we were like Siamese twins, holding hands, kissing lips, stroking hair. It was electric. I felt like I'd been invaded – but it was the best feeling I could've had. A new sensation was running through me, and had been ever since I saw that positive result. I couldn't keep my hands off Alex either and we pulled the covers over our heads and hid together in the dark, a big lump of giggles and murmurs under the doona as we discovered what it felt like to have something extraordinary turn our life around for good. There was no turning back now. It was going to happen.

"How do you feel?" Alex whispered to me, his face inches from mine under the blankets. I'd already poked him twice in the face because I couldn't see him, and I went to do it again when he grabbed my hand and held it tightly in the dark. I could hear his breath catch in his throat and his tone waver. He was crying. My heart went out to him as I realised this meant just as much to him as it did to me.

"Oh Alex," I sobbed along with him in the darkness, my emotions getting a wrenching the moment I saw the result of my test, and now even more so as my husband cried beside me over our great news. His shoulders were hunched as I hugged him under the covers. My chest heaved with it as the emotion came out into the open. It just hit me again and again. We were going to have a baby. Something we'd created together. Something that would bond us always – even though our love already did that aplenty. I cried into his shoulder for half an hour.

Later we lay side by side on our backs, bathed in the moonlight that came in the window from outside. Alex held my hand as we just continued to take in our news, and tried to believe it all. And then in one swift movement, Alex swivelled his body around to horizontal, leant over me, peeled back the sheets and blankets and pulled apart the fleecy pyjama top I was wearing. My skin suddenly exposed, I took a sharp breath in, wondering what on earth he was doing. Slowly, delicately, tenderly, he rested his head on my stomach, his right ear to my skin. And there his head remained all night long, listening for the child inside me who was probably not even big enough to see yet. I laid back comfortably against the pillows and ran my hand through his hair as he faced away from me.

I stayed on active duty for months after we found out. I was excited beyond comprehension about having a baby, yes, but it wasn't going to stop me doing the job I loved. Alex understood. He didn't smother me, or worry too much – he was perfect. I daydreamed often when I sat at my desk, picturing him as a father. There could never be a more suited role for him, I was sure.

I had my three month ultrasound on a Friday. My colleagues wished me luck as I ran out the door holding Alex's hand. Everything to do with this baby was exciting and an ultrasound most of all. We got up everyday and chatted about it, and every night I would lie blissfully content in bed as Alex held his ear to my belly, or whispered garbled secrets to the little growing person inside of me. It warmed my whole body, and I slept through every night without dreams.

The ultrasound hit me like a truck though. I wasn't expecting it to be so intense. My knees jiggled in my seat as I waited for the doctor to call me in. Alex sat beside me and was exactly the same. It was like it was the moment of truth. And I guess it was. We were going to see our baby for the first time. If it hadn't felt real before, it was going to now. When we got the nod to get out of our seats I gripped Alex's hand so tight I wondered if I'd cut off circulation. But he was unfazed, quickly slipping into the supportive husband role again like he always does.

But when I was up on that table and I saw on the screen our baby for the first time, I looked over to Alex and it took my breath away to see the look on his face. I can't even describe it, but it was even more heart breaking than the night we found out I was pregnant. He stared, shocked, at the screen the entire time, unaware that he had a hold of my hand tighter than ever before. I smiled, and turned my head back quickly to the screen. It was just like they say it is – a little grey blob that is wiggling around inside you, and you can't tear your eyes away from it – or believe that you created it. The tears rolled down my face a lot that day.

And now we're heading to Melbourne, for no other reason than to just get away for a bit before our lives change forever. Alex drives leisurely along and every time we stop at traffic lights he reaches over to hold my hand and give it a squeeze. His eyes never stray far from the road – I make sure – but I can't help but be a little touched at how excited he is about this. This is going to change us forever, and I can't wait.

We spend a week in Melbourne, just taking each day as it comes, enjoying how relaxing it is. We wondered up and down Chappell Street and drove to the Yarra Valley. We sat on St Kilda Pier and just for old times sake walked past where the Russell Street complex used to be. It was carefree and simple and at night, as always, we slept closely together, sometimes just talking, sometimes giving in to the hunger for each other that still hasn't faded.

Everyday is a step closer. Every night is another spent together dreaming of what the future may hold. Right now it is only 8 o'clock, but Alex and I are already in bed, huddled under the covers, discussing the names we would like. I shiver with excitement – picking names makes it all even more real.

"I like Lochie," I whisper to Alex, my face inches from his on the pillow.

Alex smiles at me in response and grabs my hips and brings them closer to him. My expanding belly fits snugly up against his own stomach and he delicately places his hand upon my bulge. I place my hand over the top of his and look into his eyes, the tears threatening to spill over yet again. But I hold them back waiting for his response. He grins and with his other hand, pushes my fringe out of my eyes. "I like it too," he agrees and leans in to kiss me.

But he doesn't get a chance. I leap from the bed and bolt to the bathroom, my right arm wrapped around my bulge. I race across the tiles, not really sure where it is I want to go – or need to go – but I stop when I feel movement. My hand left hand on the basin holding me up, I let out a groan, trying not to be too loud. But it doesn't matter – he heard. Within moments he's in the bathroom and by my side, making me lean on him as much as I need to.

"Is this it?" he asks, terrified. It's such a contrast from what we were feeling just five minutes ago as we discussed names. Now Alex has that pale skinned, wide eyed look about him again as he sets me down to sit on the closed toilet seat. I take some deep breaths and shake my head. I've been to the classes, I've read the books. This isn't it. I look at Alex.

"It's not," I reassure him. I am surprised at how calm I seem, given the situation. "It's just dropped that's all. The baby's dropped," he gives me a puzzled look and I almost giggle to myself as I imagine myself trying to explain what this feels like. We both stare down at my stomach and even though they say it doesn't usually happen that quickly, it has with me, and I'm suddenly carrying my load a lot lower than I had been earlier today.

Even though it hurts, it's not too bad, just a bit of pressure. I manage a smile, but those pesky tears spill over at last. "This is the beginning," I sob to Alex as I stare up at him from my spot on the toilet, now just as terrified myself. The tears cascade over my cheeks as I weep in anticipation. This is really going to happen.

"Aw Amy," Alex whispers, getting onto his knees in front of me. He cups my face in his hands and smiles, tears beginning to form in his eyes as well. He kisses my lips hard and fast and I taste the salt of my tears as our lips connect. When he pulls away, he rests his forehead against mine and just smiles into my eyes. "How long do we have to wait now?" he asks, seeming so unsure of himself.

I shrug my shoulders, wiping away the tears with the back of my hand. "Days, weeks…I don't know," I admit. The baby dropping is just a signal it's getting ready – or so the doctor told me. Maybe it's a signal for me to get ready as well. Suddenly I am very frightened.

I look up at Alex again, my tear stained face capturing his attention immediately. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. Thankfully he gets my drift. Slipping his arm underneath mine and across my shoulder blades, he helps me to stand, smiling kindly as I groan again and lean against him. He backs out of the bathroom and I wish I'd just stayed on the toilet seat – walking is so much more uncomfortable. I squeeze my eyes shut and pull a face, all the while trusting Alex to lead me safely to the comfort of the bed.

When we reach it he stops when I let out a sob. I am surprised at how quickly I have turned into an emotional whinging grump. Part of me wishes we could pause time back when we were discussing names. In the darkness I pull on Alex's shoulders as I arch my back and give yet another groan, feeling our little blob shifting around mercilessly as I stare at the floor and grit my teeth, tears in my eyes. Alex looks down worriedly at the top of my head as he supports me. "Are you sure Amy?" he asks.

"This isn't it," I repeat as I bring myself back up to standing and look at him. As our gazes connect, I see what I fell in love with all over again, and despite the situation, my knees still turn to jelly. An overwhelming feeling of relief washes over me as I lean into Alex's chest silently there in the middle of the quiet bedroom and he wraps his arms tightly around me and kisses the top of my head. Before I make his t-shirt too damp though, he eases me into the bed, placing my head delicately on the pillow and pulling the covers up over my shoulders as he slips in beside me. I lay facing the window and behind me Alex settles into the blankets, trying his hardest not to jostle me. He places a hand on my hip and nudges his chin into the groove of my neck to whisper into my ear. His hot breath tingles my skin as he tells me that he won't ever let me go. We lie awake all night long, our hands placed on my bump.

We lie on our sides facing each other, propping our heads up with steady hands. The moonlight streams in the window, providing us with a dull glow as we stare. I can't help but smile as my eyes connect with Alex's and I see the flush of pink on his cheeks – a result of 4 days of life altering excitement that have changed us both – forever. I push myself up to kiss his lips, loving the bewildered yet content look on his face as we connect. He beams at me as we come apart moments later and looks back down at our tiny bundle that lies between us, nestled snugly atop the pillows, wrapped tight in a blue blanket. Lochie doesn't stir as we both stare down at him, marvelling for the millionth time at how perfect he is, and how much a reflection he is of the both of us. We lay and watch him as he sleeps peacefully, a dream like expression on his tiny face and his scrunched up fists just poking out from under the blanket I wrapped him up in earlier. As we stare at our newborn son, I know that right at this moment I'm not the only one with butterflies.


End file.
